Taylor Swift to Dublin: “Dear Diary, today I felt a feeling for three seconds and I wrote a song about it. And I stand by that.”
Men, let women pick their own role models
On Saturday night my daughter and I went to see Taylor Swift. I wasn’t planning on writing about Taylor because so much has been written about her, much of it brilliantly - I regularly think about this comment by Louise O’Neill about Taylor’s relationship with Travis Kelce, “it’s been affirming to watch her fall in love with someone who isn’t threatened by her talent or success, but rather, seems delighted by both,” because it is so satisfyingly spot on.
But we went, and it was amazing, and I saw how much it meant to my daughter, and it made me think about an article that was published in the New York Times in April, around the time when her latest album, The Tortured Poets Department, came out, that had lingered at the fringes of my consciousness since reading it. This article was not brilliant, it was mildly infuriating, hence the lingering. The headline ran, Taylor Swift Needs to Become Other People. By Ross Douthat, it speculated that we had ‘maybe finally hit a point of overextension and oversaturation’, with TS.
‘My prescription is that if Swift is going to be this prolific, she needs more leaven in her content. The core of her brand will always be the personal drama of Being Taylor Swift, but that story’s cycle of infatuation, love, rapture, disappointment, pain, revenge has hit a limit of interest in her current work.’
Worse than the rather snide tone above, a masterclass in the act of turning woman writes about her life, into woman being hysterical and overly dramatic, was to come.
‘One escape from this limit is, of course, to change the story by marrying Travis Kelce and inspiring a new American baby boom.’ It feels relevant to say at this point that Douthat seems to be a conservative Catholic.
Failing getting married and having a kid, another way to escape the ‘personal cul-de-sac as an artist,’ would be to stop writing about herself and start writing more about other people. Like Bruce Springsteen did.
Woman makes herself her own muse, after centuries of women being be reduced to role of silent muse to men. The horror.
And then there was another piece in Newsweek a few days ago, by John Mac Ghlionn, titled Taylor Swift is Not A Good Role Model. The author finds fault with the fact that she is unmarried and childless (no doubt he has also levelled this criticism at many male superstars we’ve just missed those articles), and argues that it’s crucial we consider what kind of example this is setting for young girls (sidenote, men can be the main story for men and women, but these types never consider a woman could also be a role model for young boys).
There follows the usual guff. She’s dated men. Do we want our daughters to follow this example (another sidenote, if anyone’s being hysterical, it is usually the male writer pretending to worry that the sight of a woman dating is going to be the ruination of us all. And we all know the real cause of his hysteria is the sight of a hugely successful woman).
‘This is not an attack on Swift; it’s a valid question worth asking,’ he blithers on. It’s risible stuff. Taylor criticises the patriarchy, but then she dates strong men, this makes her a hypocrite according to the writer. And that means she cannot be a role model. There’s more, but honestly, I feel kind of sick reading it, I’ll spare you.
It was my daughter’s 10th birthday the day before the concert. She got her first manicure, spent the week making bracelets. She ran up and down the house with joy when she found out she was going. She walked from the dark concrete interiors of the Aviva out into the stadium and the sunny evening - the rain stopped just before Taylor took to the stage, obviously - with her mouth open in a silent expression of joy.
As we walked up to the grounds, we stopped to chat to kids selling lemonade at their garden gates. Everyone was swapping bracelets, including the woman we bought doughnuts from in the stadium. Everyone was smiling and wishing each other a good night. That is the atmosphere Taylor creates.
Ten is a great age for Taylor, and Taylor is beyond perfect for a girl’s first concert. She is young enough to still hold my hand, punch the air with hers clasped in mine for the chorus of We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together. She had painted a red heart around one eye before we left the house, reapplying throughout the night using my phone camera like a make-up compact, except this was face paint. So ten, just in between.
All around us were mums with young daughters and sons, spending this special night together, the woman beside us caught my eye and we smiled at each other as the sight of our two girls belting out the words and waving their hands in the air.
Afterwards, we left in a kind of daze, unable for anything more than repeatedly saying to each other, that was amazing.
The title of this piece is a quote from something Taylor said to the crowd on the night. It was during the Folklore and Evermore eras. She was describing her usual approach to songwriting, that it was along the lines of “Dear Diary, today I felt a feeling for three seconds and I wrote a song about it.” And then she laughed and said, “And I stand by that.” Then she went on to explain that for these two albums, she had created stories about others.
It's an aside to point out that that writer is wrong, Taylor can write about others as well as she can write about herself. It is so blindingly obvious what Swift means to my daughter, and so many girls and women.
My daughter is at the age when you start wondering how and when you will talk to a girl about certain things. She doesn’t really know about sexism, or the fact that your gender can impact how easy it is to be in this world, or that you are less safe than a man, or limited to where you can go on your own at certain times of the day, because you’re a woman. That sometimes men behave badly. That sometimes you love someone and they make you feel like shit.
Taylor writes about all of this. She writes the pathway to womanhood. About friendships that fall apart, about self-doubt and finding belief in yourself, about the joy of friendship in your early twenties, learning how to ignore criticism, about being the nerdy girl who won’t get the attention of the boy she likes.
While being world conqueringly top of her game she also manages to get to the emotional truth of so much that they will experience.
The night after we attended her concert, Taylor played her last night in Dublin (the sheer energy alone of those three nights and the three hours fifteen minutes on stage, is beyond impressive). She sang Clara Bow as one of the surprise songs, dedicating it to Stevie Nicks, who is mentioned in the song, and who was there that night. “One of my heroes,” Taylor told the crowd. Because women are perfectly capable of finding their own role models.
Taylor doesn’t need to be more Bruce. She is Taylor Swift.
And men who feel like telling Taylor Swift, hero to so many, who or how to be? Take a day off. Obviously the songwriter of her generation said it better than any of us. Her second song of the night was The Man.
Every conquest I had made would make me more of a boss to you
I'd be a fearless leader
I'd be an alpha type
When everyone believes ya
What's that like?
As she left the stadium on that last night in Dublin, Taylor’s boyfriend Travis Kelce walked proudly beside her, clapping along with her thousands of fans, and raising his arms at the crowd, encouraging them to scream louder, in her praise.
Travis gets it. Men? Be more Travis.
So good!
Absolutely agree with everything here! She's an incredible role model - and the fact that Travis clearly worships her and is her biggest fan instead of being threatened by her is a role model for POSITIVE masculinity which should be taken on by many, many more men! I'm so glad you both enjoyed the concert, I went on N1 which was incredible but my legs and voice have yet to forgive me!